Friday, June 24, 2011
The Dangers of Filial Imprinting
HELP! I'm being stalked. Call 911!
Beat It, Goosesoons! I Am NOT Your Mother!
Where is Konrad Lorenz when you need him? You may recall that a squatter mother duck and her egged chicksoons were invading my turf, which got my dander riled. (Better a mixed metaphor than a stitched pinafore.) Well, there's a river near my Library called White Lick Creek, and apparently there was a mama goose with egged goosesoons somewhere in the underbrush along the banks somewhere. I happened to be browsing nearby for
a snack empty soda cans (you can get money to recycle them), and out came a gaggle of freshly-hatched goosesoons. Naturally, they immediately imprinted upon moi, and now they follow me everywhere I go, like I'm their mother. As if!
This goes beyond mere annoyance. I am NOT regurgitating any food for them, I hope you know. Clearly, I am in no way, shape, or form anything remotely resembling a mother goose. Only gender is the same; otherwise, these babies are way off the mark!
Some of my neighborhood feline pals suggested I just eat them, but that could prove awkward. They truly believe I'm their mama! You can't eat babies who think you're their mama! It simply isn't done. Bad form in the worst way possible.
So I'm stuck with these winged tagalongs until I can unload them upon their actual mother or a suitable surrogate. Any takers? Step right up. I'll pony up 12 cans of tuna-in-oil right now if you take the whole brood off my paws.
What Do Goosesoons Eat, Anyway? Just Asking,
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Psychology News Beat
P.S. Legendary folk musician Burl Ives sings "The Grey Goose," from the album Burl Ives Sings The Little White Duck and Other Children's Favorites (1959). You may remember this from your childhood. The record was newly released when Scowl-Face was a tiny li'l stern-looking feller.