Cauli Le Chat

Cauli Le Chat
Cauli Le Chat, MPL Roving Reporter

Monday, February 6, 2012

Agua Muy Caliente (or Not)

The staff lounge at my Library is now in hot water.  Cold, too.  Also room temperature.  All kinds of water.

What Be This New Beastie?

Hmmm.  Curiouser and Curiouser

See those round disks beneath the spots marked "hot, cold, room"?  Looks like a miniature version of the transporter from Star Trek.

Transporter Pads from original Star Trek TV series (1966-1969)

It's too small to transport my human co-workers, who are, frankly, on the beefy side.  (Just kidding!)  Even I couldn't fit into that transporter space.  So what else could it be?  Once again, I consult my authoritative source for all things sci-fi in appearance.

"Odd.  I didn't ask for Earl Grey," mused Captain Janeway
(Kate Mulgrew) as she stood beside the food replicator
(Still from the TV series Star Trek: Voyager (1995-2001)

That's what it must be!  A food replicator.  But what type(s) of food will it replicate?

Again with the picture

See that little mug-looking thingee that has the warning symbol inside it?  That looks like a mug.  That's definitely a clue!  And atop the transporter pads are those markings, "hot, cold, room," which I'm guessing have something to do with liquid temperatures.  (I am that good.)  Then there's the brand name, Culligan, which appears on the upper left side of the unit.  Culligan is known for water-related products.  Ergo, I conclude that this grey box is actually a beverage replicator from Star Trek.

"But I wanted ice cream, not low-fat yogurt,"
whined the guest-starring youngster
to Nurse Chapel (Majel Barrett-Roddenberry)
on the original Star Trek TV series
(Dialog Replacement Theater courtesy of moi)

So Boss Lady sprang (sprung, as a past participle, would require a helping verb) for a beverage replicator for the Library staff.  That was both kind and thoughtful.  But what about a full-fledged Star Trek food replicator?  Something that could replicate, say, canned tuna-in-oil.  Imagine moi telling the computer to replicate that.  "Canned tuna.  In oil.  Room temperature."  It works better if you imagine that my voice sounds like Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart).

"Tea.  Earl Grey.  Hot."
(Click to play video clip)
Apparently, our beverage replicator is not voice-command enabled.  You have to press the buttons above the words "hot, cold, room."  Then water pours into your mug or cup or whatever at the appropriate temperature.  Not exactly 24th century technology, but it will do nicely, thank you very much.

Tuna-Flavored Tea Works For Moi,

Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Staff Amenities News Beat

P.S.  Ensign Tom Paris (Robert Duncan McNeill) argues with a replicator in an episode of Star Trek: Voyager.  I can just imagine how many times this would happen if replicators really existed.

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