It has been raining more or less continuously around my Library for the past week or so, and since I'm primarily an outdoor roving reporter, I need the proper equipment to keep dry. Felines, as you may know, hate being physically uncomfortable (we are not afraid of water; that's an urban myth). Being soaked with H2O is no picnic, let me tell you. So we should have the latest, most stylish and dignified dry-keeping gear available.
I said stylish dry-keeping apparel
Yet another casualty for feline dignity
Just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse . . .
Okay, this is just totally wrong. Slickers are right out! Time to come-about and turn into the wind and across (that's called tacking) and get this sailboat heading the right direction. Unless you're turning away from the wind and across (that's called gybing or jibing). (I'm no sailor, but I could play one on television. Anyway, I did my homework.)
We need some sort of external dry-keeping gear to ward the dampness off moi. I know just the trick.
Kitties know where it's driest
Noah jokes never get old
(Cats DO know how to spell, wise guy)
Why am I not surprised?
Cat umbrellas make a world of sense. They even work for slobberdogs, although people have to attach their leashes to the umbrella, because, as we felines all know, slobberdogs haven't got enough sense to come in out of the rain. (Hey, that slobberdog in the photo above looks stuffed, and not in the good way.)
Works as a boat, too, in case of high water
Don't feel left out, people. You, too, can have a suave, sophisticated feline umbrella of your very own.
Quite debonair, I must say
Who wouldn't look cool with this?
The only difficulty I can see with a cat umbrella (i.e., cats using umbrellas, not the umbrellas that look like cats) is that we need a minion to hold it. Not that we couldn't hold them ourselves; we have claws, you know. It's just that we have minions to do those menial tasks befitting the human station in life.
Where have you been? My pedicurist is waiting
Don't hold the umbrella too high. If a passing vehicle splashes water toward moi, use your body as a shield, minion.
How Dry I Am (There's an Old Advertising Jingle Lyric!),
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Meteorology News Beat
P.S. Here's a late 1960s Ban antiperspirant television commercial. Listen for the catch phrase ("How dry I am!") at the 27 second mark. (Another version sang, "How dry I am, with New Dry Ban.") Just be glad your grey matter isn't filled with this minutiae.
P.P.S. If I hadn't already used the Beatles song Rain (1966) in a previous blog, I'd include it here. In fact, I used a whole bunch of rainy songs in that posting. So I'll go with Gordon Lightfoot's Rainy Day People (1975), recorded in a live performance June 16, 2010, at the Palace Theater in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. (Sound could be a lot better, but it's probably a spectator recording video with his/her phone camera, so there you have it.) By the way, The Lady With the Red Hair ranks her two Gordon Lightfoot concerts (April, 1978 and sometime in the 1980s) as the best she ever attended. High praise, indeed.
P.P.P.S. Notice I avoided describing the current deluge as raining cats and dogs (slobberdogs). Some cliches even I won't touch.
Thanks, Cauli. Now I've got that stupid Ban antiperspirant jingle stuck in my head.
ReplyDeleteI think that the person in the dogbrella photo is "stuffed," too, Cauli. Look at how stiff the person is--that's a manequin, I think. The dog is creepy, too. Those eyes look fake, and it's too stiff and unnatural looking.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking why would anyone wrap their cat in an umbrella like that? But then when I saw the dog picture I gave up. I would never us the pink cat umbrella though.
ReplyDeletepromotional umbrellas