- Doorknob Principle: Generations of felines and slobberdogs have been stymied by closed doors because of an inability to learn the doorknob principle. Fans of Gary Larson's The Far Side® will remember this classic cartoon, which you may click to enlarge (it might work--try it).
The legendary Punkin was one kitty who mastered the doorknob principle--he could open any door, as long as the doorknob had a handle, like so:
Loose screws--Did Scowl-Face install this?
- Can Opener Conundrum: This has been a thorn in the paws of slobberdogs and felines since time immemorial. Humans serve many valuable functions, primarily as servants, but this has been a truly vital utility for people to perform for us so-called "household pets." If we (kitties and slobberdogs) had opposable thumbs, then we could open our own cans of tuna-in-oil, ordinary cat or slobberdog food (for the pedestrian palate), or other tinned treats. Whether traditionally sealed (see below) or featuring pull-tab technology (see further below), the ol' opposable thumbs could tackle these opening tasks easily.
- Drinking Bottled Water: Let me ask you frankly: Would you enjoy drinking water from a bowl or dish? Remember, the water has been sitting there since who knows when, and it's stale and tastes, shall we politely say, like cheval poo. Once again, the opposable thumb would enable cats and slobberdogs to whip-off those twist caps and drink our water from bottles--just like those high-class humans who sit around posh establishments and try to act sophisticated. The best part would be no backwash! Think about that next time you drink from a shared water dish.
- Turning book pages: Presently, when a feline tries to read a book, s/he must turn the pages by extending his/her foreclaws, inserting same through the paper, and pulling toward oneself. This depreciates the book's value and understandably angers librarians, who, after all, are providing access to print materials. That opposable thumb would sure make page-turning a proverbial snap (or page-flip).
- Driving Motor Vehicles: Currently, cats and slobberdogs must be chauffeured, because, once again, humans are blessed with the opposable thumb to grip the steering wheel. If we had those dexterous digits, we could drive ourselves. Of course, being chauffeured is more befitting a feline's social station; slobberdogs just hang their heads out the windows.
You can see the legendary Punkin in our book trailer below. Watch for him between the 1:03 to 1:12 time marks.