Cauli Le Chat

Cauli Le Chat
Cauli Le Chat, MPL Roving Reporter

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A Glaring Omission

What's wrong with this picture?

Library Vending Machine

Yes, this is one of the vending machines in my Library.  But there's a glaring omission clearly visible.  Do you see what's missing?  Take a closer look:

Lots of Great Snacks, But . . .

Let me connect the dots:  NO kitty snacks!  Nada!  Zilch!  Not that first packet of freeze-dried, dehydrogenated, tuna-flavored snacks.  I ask you, what is this world coming to?  Where is a Roving Reporter supposed to go when she stops by the Library, breathless after running down the latest news scoop, and hungry to boot?

You would think that Payor Pal, who is the Library Business Manager and is in charge of stocking the vending machines, would have the elementary foresight to identify a clear market demand for which supplies should be readily secured.  What piffle did they teach you at Purdue, anyway?  Surely you are familiar with basic supply-and-demand curves.

Supply & Demand Diagram
(ECON-101 Pretty Basic Stuff)

That diagram may be wrong--after all, Scowl-Face drew it, and he hasn't had an economics course since 1977 (and learned precious little even then)--but that's hardly the point, now, is it?  The point is plain:  when a kitty is hungry and visits the Library to turn-in the latest news stories, she expects some tasty treats, pronto!  Explain, if you would be so kind, how I am supposed to choke-down the people-fare that's currently stocked in the vending machines.  Solid planning could have averted this inventory oversight.

Not What I Expected.  Ptooie!

Those aren't even real goldfish in that bag!  And "animal crackers" is clearly misleading advertising.

Once again, I must take up the task if any actual work is to be done properly.  I have instructed my minions to replenish the vending stocks like so:

A Vastly Superior Selection, Kitty-Wise

Now, minions, purchase my selections, if you please.

Hey, Lady With the Red Hair!
Wrong Machine!  WRONG MACHINE!!!

Still Hungry and Getting Rather Testy About It,

Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Food Commodity News Beat

P.S.  As a special (not necessarily kitty) treat, we present The Monkees singing "Salesman" from their album Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd. (1967).


  1. Hi Cauli, Looks like u r gonna have to put your paw down and demand kitty treats in that vending machine now!!None of those salty snacks pretending to be fish treats!

  2. Cauli,

    Purdue University is a fine academic institution. My brother earned two degrees there, which was no easy task, let me assure you. My first college teaching job was there (you'll like this, Cauli--in the Veterinary School). So respect is due, sous-entendre?

  3. There's no call to use obscenities like V-E-T, Scowl-Face.

  4. Hi Cauli,
    Notice that the WONDERFUL person who stocks the MPL vending machine is providing you with "Fish" crackers and "animal" crackers...

  5. Payor Pal,

    But they're not REAL goldfish or animals in those packets! We felines expect actual, bona fide critters when that's what it says on the packaging. There is a big difference between a burrow-darter and a cracker shaped like a burrow-darter.

  6. Translation from "Cauli-talk":

    A "burrow-darter" is a mole.

  7. Might I suggest that you simply train the humans to give you food? Then you wouldn't have to deal with this vending machine nonsense! I find it helps to look pitiful or to chew on objects to indicate that you are wasting away to nothing. I will say it works better with some than others; Mommy Candy never denies me treats while that wicked Miss Alyssa lets me starve!

  8. I'm down with that, Morgan. Looking pitiful is a solid strategy. The thing I like about the vending machine is watching the treats fall down. Makes me want to pounce on them! Like live prey without the mess. Well, there is that chocolate mess, but I have minions to deal with such calamities.

  9. This is good one if they provide the gold fish in it.


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