Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Huge Secret Rocket Transport Endangers Supper Dish
Today a huge secret, multi-stage rocket ship, which was being hauled by three really big tractor trailer semi monster trucks, successfully negotiated the turn at the intersection of West Main and Monroe Streets in Mooresville, Indiana, near the public library, where I work as Roving Reporter, literally risking fur and tail to deliver this hair-raising scoop.
The turn was fraught with danger, mostly to my supper dish, which somehow got placed beneath the library's electronic sign (Scowl-Face, I hold you accountable). The possibility of the rocket's gigantic first, second, and third launch stages crashing into my supper dish, and, incidentally, into other appurtenant fixtures in the vicinity, was real and, honestly, quite terrifying. One could only imagine what would have happened if the liquid oxygen/hydrogen/chocolate/whatever contained in the rocket's fuel tanks had exploded. Destruction of my supper dish would have been assured, which is pretty alarming news, I can tell you.
Luckily, thanks to the absolutely fantastic driving skills of the truckers, as well as the alert assistance of the Mooresville police department, the vehicles and cargo completed the staggeringly difficult turn (westbound on Main, turning northbound onto Monroe) without mishap. Alert photographer Scowl-Face risked life and limb (eye-roll) to take these less-than-spectacular photographs.
Rocket Stage One attempts a backdoor maneuver
(from West Main St. backwards onto Monroe St.)
Note scale of rocket against MPL water volcano.
Secret Code Name of Rocket Project
(Logo looks like a command capsule)
Mooresville's Finest are on-the-spot
to protect the public and my supper dish
The backdoor maneuver was unsuccessful, however, and so the first monster truck made several attempts to find the best turning radius, or "groove," as the pros say. (Well, they're golf pros, but that counts.)
Making a wide turn & heading toward MPL sign
(LOOK OUT SUPPER DISH!)
WHEW! That was TOO close!
(Not to the sign, of course; they weren't within six feet of it.
But my supper dish! Disaster was a hair's-breadth away.)
That, folks, is just simply amazing driving skill.
Rocket Stage Two follows suit.
Rocket Stage Three brings up the rear
(But watch out for that renegade semi monster truck!)
Sources close to the top-secret rocket project were understandably tight-lipped about the shipment and its ultimate destination. Bystanders speculated that the convoy was heading for the Indiana Space Camps to launch an interplanetary mission of exploration and discovery. Details were sketchy, but slobberdogs were definitely slated as crew members, and the purported destination was Pluto.
Laika, early Soviet space slobberdog, who flew into outer space aboard Sputnik 2
Artist's conception of modern American space slobberdog traveling aboard super-secret rocket
Possible space slobberdog crew member for Pluto Project
At press time, there was no further information, except that my supper dish narrowly escaped grievous harm. It is now in the custody of the Lady With the Red Hair, who will doubtlessly take better care of it in future. Or else.
Hey, Mr. Spaceman, won't you please take me along for a ride, *
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Mission Control News Beat
( * Apologies to the Byrds. Click here to watch a video clip of the band's live, albeit lip-synched, performance on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour (1967)--sorry about the advertisement. Byrds fans--where's David Crosby, and why is Gene Clark playing in the footage, if this is 1967 video?)
Perhaps a more apropos lyric for my signature tag-line would be . . .
Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids, **
( ** Apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin. Click here to listen to Rocket Man ).