Can you believe it--today is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. (That should be slobberdog biscuit.) As famous humorist Dave Barry says, I swear I am not making this up. Click here if you don't believe moi. (A huge thank-you to CircMaster [she's on the list] for alerting this reporter to this often, but not surprisingly [since no cats are involved], overlooked holiday.)
How these slobberdogs get all of these fancy holidays I can't begin to imagine. We felines slave eight days a week, 35 days a month, 417 days a year (that's 52 weeks times the eighth day each week), never taking a minute to ourselves, and, yet, inexplicably, slobberdogs are lounging around getting the day off (paid, no doubt) to drool all over themselves and eat expensive biscuits that no dignified cat would touch. What is the world coming to?
Slobberdog people are always inventing nutty ways to give their goldbrick canines a vacation. What's to appreciate about slobberdog biscuits? They taste like sawdust, are tougher than rhinoceros hide, foul already rancid slobberdog breath, and give the woofers the winds like you wouldn't believe. I mean, slobberdogs are gas bags, as a general rule, but, well, hey! Don't pile on the stink fuel.
You CHEW it now, Einstein
Not a biscuit eater, but a wiener dog
(HAHAHAHAHAHA)
Oh, for crying out loud!
There are even nicely produced YouTube videos explaining in straightforward terms how to cook all-natural, healthy, homemade slobberdog biscuits. (As if! Like we ever would. Felines do not cook; we are cooked FOR. It's an important distinction.)
How to Make Homemade Doggy Treats
by Mommy Hacks (2016)
If that didn't creep you out, this will.
What we need is International Canned Tuna in Oil for Felines Only Day. I'll sponsor if somebody can line-up the votes in the United Nations or wherever they decide such things. We definitely need more cat holidays.
Sweet chocolate biscuits and red rosy apples in summer, *
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Rubber Biscuit News Bureau
( * Apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin. Lyric lifted unceremoniously from Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy, which you may listen to by clicking here.)
What do ya want for nothing, a rubber biscuit? (More apologies, this time to Dan Aykroyd, the late John Belushi, and the Blues Brothers in general. If you can stand it, click here to hear the song.)
Watch where you step
To all you dog lovers out there:
ReplyDeleteCauli is just kidding. Some of her best friends are slobberdogs, as she will readily admit. In fact, they are her protectors (not to be confused with the 1972-1973 British TV series by the same name, starring Robert Vaughn, Nyree Dawn Porter, and Tony Anholt).
Bring on the International cat treat day! and maybe a special cat pampering day too!
ReplyDelete