A feline roving reporter needs her own entry and egress to the library. In the long history of the fourth estate, special entrances for the benefit of members of the press have been the common practice. Here is an impressive example at the New York Yankees stadium:
Saunter around the exterior of Mooresville Public Library's truly excellent facilities. You will find many doorways designed for human patrons, which is fine, so far as it goes. But you will locate--I expect this will shock you--NO SUCH entries for us feline roving reporters! It offends the sensibilities. Clearly, this is another situation that cries for swift remedy.
My regular readers will recognize the MPL Children's Garden, my outdoor digs when I'm visiting the library (suitable for hosting my feline friends and human library patrons):
Notice the doorway leading into the MPL Youth Services Department. Inside it's marked "emergency exit," and if not having a special press entrance isn't an emergency, I guess I wouldn't know one if it grabbed my tail. (Don't. Just don't.) My idea, Boss Lady, is to insert what is commonly (and, somewhat vulgarly) called a "cat door," as per my illustration below.
The benefits to this structural modification are clear to any right-thinking individual. Important media types such as myself could freely come and go, delivering copy to editors in the time-honored fashion (we don't do electronic transmission; it's unnatural) while stopping by the MPL Staff Lounge to partake in kitty comestibles. Human patrons could not use my special door, unless they were quite small indeed, and tiny crawling humans usually have larger parents chasing closely after them. So only authorized members of the feline press (that's me, pretty much, around here, anyway) would have access.
It is an elegant solution to a thorny problem. As a personal favor, I'll wave my usual consulting fee of 679 cans of name-brand tuna in oil (none of that cheap generic stuff, mind you!). Oh, one other suggestion. You should install a sushi bar just inside the doorway (again, for feline press corp use only). It's just common courtesy.
Preserving a Free Press Longer Than You've Had Hot Dinners,
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Press Club News Bureau
It is an elegant solution to a thorny problem. As a personal favor, I'll wave my usual consulting fee of 679 cans of name-brand tuna in oil (none of that cheap generic stuff, mind you!). Oh, one other suggestion. You should install a sushi bar just inside the doorway (again, for feline press corp use only). It's just common courtesy.
Preserving a Free Press Longer Than You've Had Hot Dinners,
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Press Club News Bureau
I think you definitely need a door there. It should be an automatic door, equipped with a suitably-placed sensor so that you don't need to ram your head into it to get it open. (Headbutting is for Love, not door opening.)
ReplyDeleteSignage! You also need a sign (so that no other roving felines try to enter your territory) and a little awning. And a doormat.
I'll write a letter on your behalf to Boss Lady if that will help you get your special door. Since I'm a Boss too she ought to listen.
Thanks, Tober! A letter coming from you carries considerable persuasive power, given your literally worldwide fame and universally acknowledged Library Boss status. The automatic sensor device is a stroke of genius. You're right on the canned tuna in oil ("money" is a human cliche) about the signage, awning, and doormat. Our library needs to hire you as a consultant! You would bring the all-important feline perspective to the table.
ReplyDelete