Between 2010 and 2017, Cauli Le Chat, retired feline roving reporter for Mooresville Public Library (Mooresville, Indiana), reported all things interesting to cats (and humans) happening at the library. Related stories from across the state (and beyond) were also included.
Wearing one of these things is embarrassing enough for anyone. But two? Really--who wants twice the humiliation? Scowl-Face, apparently.
Angelina Jolie, He's Not
(Thanks, Broadway Gal, for the photo and the great pose suggestion. I didn't think ol' Scowlly could look any dorkier than usual, but this rachets up nerdy several notches.
Angelina Jolie at the 2012 Oscars
What is the deal with fanny packs? Isn't that why people wear cargo pants?
Plenty of Pocket Room
(Cargo Pants For Men)
For Ladies--Not So Much
I'm not sure that fanny packs make much sense when you're carrying valuables. Thieves would go right for them faster than you can open a can of tuna-in-oil for moi. Of course, some versions come with enhanced security options.
What's So Valuable In There?
This whole lock business is making fanny packs dangerously analogous to non-gender, or "unigender" (i.e., unisex), chastity belts. (You'll have to find your own picture of that.)
So what's next for the whole fanny pack scene? What may we expect Scowl-Face to be wearing next year?
I had to ask.
Hey, Put Some Extra Brains in There, While You're At It
If cranial storage capacity is not your style, how about an over-the-shoulder, backstrapping utility belt? You can look like this gal.
This reminded moi of those fighter dudes who wore ammunition belts over their shoulders.
Nice cargo pants, sergeant. Plus the ammo belt is kind of like a fanny pack (but don't tell him that.) Those .50 calibre ammo belts Sgt. Rock had slung over both shoulders must have been for Easy Company's machine gunner, because the cartridges wouldn't fit into either his Thompson submachine gun or his automatic pistol, both of which took .45 caliber shells.
Forget that, however. Scowl-Face could never pull-off the ammo belt look, even using fanny packs. His family has some cool military relics, though. Scowly's maternal grandfather served as a captain in the U.S. Cavalry that hunted for Pancho Villa in 1916-1917, and, as was traditional for cavalry officers during the time, he kept his Browning Model 1911 .45 caliber Army pistol (his particular firearm was made in 1913). On Scowl-Face's father's side of the family, a relative served in the Spanish-American war and kept a Colt U.S. Model 1894 .45-caliber Army revolver.
Browning Model 1911
.45 Calibre Army Pistol
Colt U.S. Model 1894
.45 Caliber Army Revolver
Well, let's just hope that Scowl-Face doesn't escalate this whole fanny pack nonsense any further. There are limits to absurdity, surely.
The Only Good Fanny Pack Carries Canned Tuna For Moi,
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Clothing Accessory News Beat
P.S. Want to hear/see "Fanny Pack," by Owen Benjamin (2008)? You asked for it.