March 12 is International Fanny Pack Day. (You can look it up.) It is a cause célèbre for fashion faux pas frequenters everywhere.
No one could deny the overall utility of the fanny pack for humans. Unlike spookersnouts, which haul things (such as their babies) in a homegrown marsupial pouch, people types don't have such built-in accoutrements. Instead, they must rely upon purses, backpacks, brief cases, fanny packs, trouser and coat pockets, and such like to carry around their paraphernalia.
Classic Leather Fanny Pack
But nobody, or at least nobody with a modicum of fashion sense, wears fanny packs anymore. Cue Scowl-Face. He has one, and (get this!) he wears it everyday in public--including work. I ask you, can we at the Library ever live down the shame?
This is what Scowl-Face imagines he looks like wearing a fanny pack:
Actor Ian Ziering, as Steve Sanders, in the TV Series 90210
(Episode: "Windstruck" [1993])
Laugh, and he WILL kick your butt!
Hulk Hogan sporting a fanny back (backwards)
Dig those cool shorts (eye-roll)
(If these guys are going to wear fanny packs that way, maybe they should be called . . . Wait, let's not go there. Just don't. Okay? 'Nuff said.)
Now see how Scowl-Face actually looks wearing a fanny pack. (The FTC or Homeland Security or whoever is in charge of the Internet requires me to include the following warning label.)
Ready? Remember, you've been warned.
P.S. Lady people wear fanny packs, too. Goofy knows no gender barriers.
Now see how Scowl-Face actually looks wearing a fanny pack. (The FTC or Homeland Security or whoever is in charge of the Internet requires me to include the following warning label.)
Captain Morgan, he's not
Honestly, could anything be more stupid looking?
Oh, for Pete's sake!
I stand corrected.
Scowl-Face calls his fanny pack a "Batman utility belt." I think we may safely say that that is the misnomer of the month.
Nothing Like Scowl-Face's Fanny Pack
Other super-heroes, however, wore fanny packs.
DC Comics' Hawkman (with fanny pack)
I hope Scowl-Face (and anyone else that uncool) enjoys the International Fanny Pack Day celebrations. If there's any cake left, which I doubt (it is Scowl-Face, after all), save me a piece with the fancy frosting doodads.
On moi, this looks good. Stylish AND functional!
Watching Out for the Fashion Police,
Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Action Wear News Beat
Cauli,
ReplyDeleteThat lady's wearing a hip purse, not a fanny pack.
Cauli,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to disapprove the doggy fanny pack. Is this because you secretly wish for a cat fanny pack? ....oh wait, that would mean Scowl-Face would have to carry you on his hip....never mind.
Cauli,
ReplyDeleteCorky suggested that you call them "tummy packs" for those guys wearing them in front.
How about "belly bags"?
ReplyDeleteThanks, Programma Mama. That's an image I didn't need stuck in my head.
ReplyDelete