Cauli Le Chat

Cauli Le Chat
Cauli Le Chat, MPL Roving Reporter

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


That's what I say about my enforced, unreasonably harsh, and certainly not requested dietary change.  The V-E-T, who torments moi once or twice a year, says that I may no longer eat canned tuna-in-oil.  It is allegedly too fattening.  Now, I ask you, do I have a weight problem?  The only wait problem I have is waiting too long to get my din-dins!

Now this is simply going entirely too far.  According to my journalistic colleagues at US magazine, somebody supposedly snapped a photo of moi showing a "baby bump" or a "plump rump" or some such crude descriptive.

Now, I know that US photographers are probably under all kinds of publishing deadlines, so maybe they think that any ol' black kitty picture will suffice.  But when someone is suggesting that these photos represent moi, we're getting into deep libel territory.  Anyone who knows moi (and, if you follow my blog, I hope that's you) can tell that these photos are of other black felines.  To-wit:

  • Note BOTH ears are up-standing;
  • No white mark on the chest;
  • My hindquarters are MUCH slimmer and muscle-toned.

So, obviously, these are fakes.

Apparently, the V-E-T considered them to be genuine.  How else did he conclude that I needed to watch my caloric intake?  I am a freedom feline AND a roving reporter to boot.  I'm fit and trim--it's part of my job description--and that's a fact, Jack.

It is totally bogus that I have to forgo canned tuna-in-oil.  Have you tasted canned tuna-in-water?  It's hardly worth the bother.

So I hereby protest any further attempts to withdraw my favorite food.  Oh, I'll eat canned cat food--who doesn't?--but rest assured that I will not tolerate these draconian dietary measures.

Serve Moi the Good Stuff, Right Quick, Minions,

Cauli Le Chat
MPL Roving Reporter
Libel News Beat

P.S.  The definitive weight parody is "Fat," by "Weird Al" Yankovic, from his album Even Worse (1988).  Here's the official music video.  Weight-challenged folks might be offended, and I'm sure "Weird Al" apologizes for that.  It's a Michael Jackson video (and song) parody, really.  The original MJ song "Bad" morphs into WAY's "Fat" as a convenient monosyllabic title.  "Weird Al" often uses food as a subject for his music parodies.


  1. You know, Cauli, the rag magazines are just going too far these days. They think every female has a "baby bump" and that is SO insulting. Granted, if we happen to gain a pound or two, it probably lands in the tummy area, but is it really necessary to print a picture of us and a little arrow stating "baby bump?" I saw you just last week, Cauli, and you looked fit and trim to me. I plan to put out an extra can of tuna-in-oil for you in the usual place. I hope you enjoy every single morsel!

    1. Thanks, Lady With the Red Hair. I'm glad somebody has some sense about this weight thing. As for "baby bump," I've been--well--"fixed," as the euphemism goes, so that's completely off-base. You know how those popular magazine publishers are. "If it fits, we print." Fact-checkers? "Sorry, no budget for that."

  2. I, for one, do not eat canned cat food. Where are YOUR fact-checkers? Hm?

    1. Guess you're not a cat, like moi. Actually, lots of felines prefer dry cat food. Or slobberdog food, for that matter.

  3. Cauli, you have been framed! That's what happens when you are in the public eye.


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